When I went to see avatar last Friday, I was expecting to laugh my ass off at the "funny blue monkey people" I had seen on the previews. I was looking forward to the 3D effect which I had heard was impressive, but for the most part I was planning to enjoy it for its bad-ness. Corpus Christi was I wrong. It was like I was expecting a 3rd grade school play (terrible, but cute) and accidentally saw Cirque de Soleil juggling sloths while balancing on Megatheriums*. It kicked my ass so hard I'll be crapping out my mouth for a week. High Points;
Amazing Mech Vs Tiger-snake-thingy action
Hands down the most beautiful movie I've ever seen
Best battle scenes since LOTR
Coolest fake animals ever
Neytiri can have my babies
I want to ride a dragon bird
*Spell check suggests "Woolgathering" as the correct spelling of "Megatherium". This is what I am actually talking about though, Best animal of all time right here; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megatherium
Now various people are saying the plot is unoriginal, since it copies "dances with wolves" and some other movies. Know what? I've never SEEN "dances with wolves" or some other movies, so to ME, it was original. I mean geez, I'm in my 20's, its not as though I'm an infant... but when reviewers are mentioning movies I've never heard of, I can't help but feel that they must be REALLY out of touch with the world. I've seen it 3 times now, and plan on seeing it as many more times as my budget will allow.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Stuff, part seven
My firefox temperature add-on says its -3 degrees right now, meaning that the ground is frozen solid. I'm not the most skillful driver under even the most ideal weather conditions, so watching me drive in the snow is equivalent to watching a blind toddler repair a wood-chipper; slightly hilarious, and constantly terrifying.
A few days ago, I was meandering down the road with all the traction of a greased alligator on ice, doing my best to obey the traffic laws in slippery conditions. I made a routine left turn on a green arrow, onto a two lane street... I completed the turn WITHOUT sliding out, and was very pleased with my success. Just as I started to get the idea that I might NOT be the worlds least skilled driver, a car slammed into my side, knocking me out of my wild fantasy and back into reality. The car had made a right turn (on a red light) and crossed both lanes without looking. We pulled off the road, and the crone that stepped out of the other car greeted me with a haggard smile, ten thousand years old if she was a day. So ravaged by the winds of time was she, her appearance was closer to that of a tree-stump than a human being. As proof of her extreme age, she was even wearing glasses with a strap to hold them in place, and had one of those blanket/shawl thingies wrapped around her shoulders. If ONLY she had been knitting, the tri-fecta of old lady stereotypes would have been satisfied. When we actually began talking, our conversation went something like this;
Wizened crone: Oh, it seems we've had a little slip up haven't we?
Me: Well, I was obeying the rules of the road, and you ran into me because you weren't looking.
WC: Oh... what happened?
Me: You drove into my lane and ran into me
WC: Oh dear... should we exchange our... (puzzled look)... then?
Me: All it will do is make my insurance rates go up, and since this accident is YOUR fault anyway, I would prefer if we just didn't report it at all.
WC: (looking extremely uncomfortable) Oh my... so... we just let this one slide then?
Me: I think its for the best.
I just saw an add for the movie "Legion". It seems the plot is "God decides to destroy the earth with an army of angels, small-town sheriff single-handedly defeats them and saves mankind". This has so many improbabilities that I can hardly begin to explain them all... I am no longer the most religious of types, but I read the bible quite a bit back in the day, and from what I remember, isn't God kind of... All seeing, all knowing and all powerful? I can't imagine there is any shotgun-based defense that can effectively repel the creator of all things, But maybe Mr. Sheriff also pulls out a nightstick? Thoughts?
A few days ago, I was meandering down the road with all the traction of a greased alligator on ice, doing my best to obey the traffic laws in slippery conditions. I made a routine left turn on a green arrow, onto a two lane street... I completed the turn WITHOUT sliding out, and was very pleased with my success. Just as I started to get the idea that I might NOT be the worlds least skilled driver, a car slammed into my side, knocking me out of my wild fantasy and back into reality. The car had made a right turn (on a red light) and crossed both lanes without looking. We pulled off the road, and the crone that stepped out of the other car greeted me with a haggard smile, ten thousand years old if she was a day. So ravaged by the winds of time was she, her appearance was closer to that of a tree-stump than a human being. As proof of her extreme age, she was even wearing glasses with a strap to hold them in place, and had one of those blanket/shawl thingies wrapped around her shoulders. If ONLY she had been knitting, the tri-fecta of old lady stereotypes would have been satisfied. When we actually began talking, our conversation went something like this;
Wizened crone: Oh, it seems we've had a little slip up haven't we?
Me: Well, I was obeying the rules of the road, and you ran into me because you weren't looking.
WC: Oh... what happened?
Me: You drove into my lane and ran into me
WC: Oh dear... should we exchange our... (puzzled look)... then?
Me: All it will do is make my insurance rates go up, and since this accident is YOUR fault anyway, I would prefer if we just didn't report it at all.
WC: (looking extremely uncomfortable) Oh my... so... we just let this one slide then?
Me: I think its for the best.
I just saw an add for the movie "Legion". It seems the plot is "God decides to destroy the earth with an army of angels, small-town sheriff single-handedly defeats them and saves mankind". This has so many improbabilities that I can hardly begin to explain them all... I am no longer the most religious of types, but I read the bible quite a bit back in the day, and from what I remember, isn't God kind of... All seeing, all knowing and all powerful? I can't imagine there is any shotgun-based defense that can effectively repel the creator of all things, But maybe Mr. Sheriff also pulls out a nightstick? Thoughts?
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