Bus people.

Ever since my bike kicked the bucket about a week before Christmas, I've been riding the bus every day. I can say with a straight face that the vast majority of bus riders are normal, socially adjusted people, however, there are a few genres of commuters that seem to be represented on the bus with surprising regularity.

The hot girl:
These girls are full of themselves, thats all there is to it. Sometimes people get crammed into the bus until its so full its like fitting a dozen marlins into a can of sardines, and people are forced to make (gods forbid) physical contact with each other. These girls turn their noses up at every male in their "bubble" and react as though you tried to grope their naughty bits if your backpack so much as brushes their shoulder.

The angry (possibly violent) guy:
These are possibly the worst. Even if you are the only one on the bus, they will move directly across from you, and sit down with their arms crossed. Sometimes just to switch things up, they constantly open and close a lighter as though they can't decide whether or not to light you on fire. They constantly stare at you like you just threatened to rape their mothers, occasionally snarling wickedly. When you get off the bus they follow you with their eyes until you're out of sight.

The elderly women doing her shopping:
This specimen is accompanied by 4-5 large bags. They occupy an entire row of the bus; one seat for themselves, as well as another seat for each food group they brought with them. Starches are in one seat, dairy in another, cat food prominently displayed in a third. Even if the bus is full to bursting, with people literally standing butt to butt, she will not give up a single one of her 3+ seats to a person.

The creepy 40 year old stoner:
These people don't seem to be going anywhere in particular, they are just riding the bus for fun, and to hit on college chicks. True story here; about a week ago a man wearing 3 pit-stained t-shirts and a trucker hat sat himself down next to a 20 something college girl, and proceeded to ask her multiple times if she thought his mountain man beard was "sexy". He told her he was only 3 credits from an unspecified science degree, but the "System" just "Kept him down, man", and he just returned from a trip to Amsterdam.

The couple so in love they can't help but make out on the bus:
'nuff said.

The refuses-to-sit-down guy:
Its all in the title. Say there are 50 people waiting to get on the bus, and this guy is first in line (usually with a girlfriend). His girl sits in the first seat, and instead of taking the available seat beside her, he decides to stand directly in front of her, in the process BLOCKING THE DAMN AISLE. A horde of cold, tired people start getting log-jammed behind him as they struggle to squeeze by one-by-one, but he refuses to acknowledge them, instead smiling a dopey smile at his girl until an "Angry (possibly violent) guy" shoves him out of the way.

The ridiculously clumsy person:
Usually a girl, this person has trouble standing on solid ground, much less balancing in a moving vehicle. Woe to any passenger within a 5' radius of this graceless blunder; their feet will be stomped, their chests elbowed, the sitting will have their heads buffeted as the pirouetting terror lunges wildly about each time the bus takes a wide, gentle turn. Boarding a bus when one of these walking disasters is aboard is as dangerous as parachuting with the 101st airborne.