Moments ago, As I sat in my parents basement absentmindedly watching anime, I reached for a slice of cold pizza. Little did I know that a mother-having ninja spider would drop down out of the shadows, bouncing off my outstretched hand before coming to rest atop my delicious food.
Surely some lost descendant of Ungoliant had climbed straight out of the old tales, this thing was closer in size to a dinner plate than a dime. Demon-esque in the obvious malice it held for me and all living things, I knew for a certainty that it would devour my soul without hesitation given half the chance.
It was clear the bastard was out for blood, I had to act quickly or risk my immortal souls' destruction. With steeled resolve, I slammed my hand down on his revolting head with all the gusto of an excited 3 year old happily squeezing his first pet kitten.
A horrific monster attacked me, I defended myself with honor and courage.
OR
A spider landed on my hand. I freaked out and smashed it into my pizza. Now my pizza is full of dead spider. Total. Balls.
Take your pick. Either way I'm a hero.
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Post-Script. I later did my best to scrape the guts out of the pizza, and ate it anyway. Tasted Delicious.
ReplyDelete5 second rule also applies to spider entrails. They proved that on mythbusters
ReplyDeleteSorry I forgot to mention it, but times are tight and when Ungolient offers you a few bucks to provide shelter for a couple hundred of its offspring it's tough to turn down, you know?
ReplyDeletePoor little spider! Deprived of both pizza and life.
ReplyDelete