Eeetoooo...

As I stated in "The merits of never sleeping" I am world class slacker. I am aware that the outside world views the slacker sub-culture as adventurous, glamorous and exciting (commonly comparing us to Rock-Stars [though we get twice the tail]), but the title doesn't come without its fair share of responsibilities. Put yourself in my shoes for just a moment. Imagine spending two weeks in my life;

You are told Monday that you have an assignment due the following Friday. It could involve anything from a powerpoint presentation, to turning in a few score workbook pages, to organizing a resistance movement of renegade marsupials into overthrowing the Australian government (you know, same ol' same ol')

You desperately want to begin the assignment right away, but you can't. You just don't have time, your duties can NOT be ignored. Unfortunately to maintain your status as a slacker, you are forced to watch a minimum of 5 hours of TV daily, frequently taking breaks to play the James Bond theme on the banjo by ear, check the entirety of wikipedia for accuracy, and re-rearrange your sock drawer. That tantalizing work is sitting in front of you, calling like a siren, just begging to be done, but you cannot, must not, begin before it is time.

After miraculously managing to avoid the temptations of productivity for 13 full days, the inevitable Thursday night rolls along. The time has come. You can FINALLY begin the task. You pull an all-nighter, half assing, guesstimating and BSing your way though 12 hours of work. You show up to class with eyes more bloodshot than a van of stoners on 4/20, spouting dozens of excuses (all lies), barely managing to squeeze a (very generous) c+ from the professors stone-cold heart.

Doesn't seem so glamorous now does it? I mean sure, all the TV and banjo you could ever want but... Is it worth it? Being a procrastinator is not for the faint-of-heart. Unlike those lazy-bums who do their work right when they get it, It takes true commitment to be a skilled slacker.

Someone recently professed their love of "Avenged Sevenfold" with more enthusiasm than a man jumping onto the last helicopter out a 'nam. This was enough to motivate me to look them up, and discover that they are the artists behind the song "Beast and the Harlot" from Guitar Hero II!

A surefire way to get me interested in almost any subject is to put it into video game form. In the days before Guitar Hero, My music library consisted of (literally) Video game .midi files, and the LOTR soundtrack. Really. I'm not joking at all here. Until I was 18. I swear. Ok moving on.

I decided to stick them into Pandora, and see if I could actually broaden my musical appreciation. Bad. Idea. For every awesome/decent song from Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu or Bullet for my Valentine, I get at least 4 or 5 songs which consist of nothing but 10 base guitars, 25 drummers and man with a box of tacks lodged in his larynx screaming profanity. The only lyrics I manage to understand are about raping women or tearing the wings off of parakeets to jam down the throats of orphans. Seriously? At least when Avenged Sevenfold sings about killing someone, they have interesting guitar melodies and vocals going on in the background.

Makes me want to dropkick a puppy, wear eye-liner and brag about how hardcore I am to a bunch of 13 year olds.