This morning I was walking to class, and a dude with a clipboard (those guys that want your money to save the environment, or to help send their niece's scout troop to Azerbaijan to build bird-houses or some BS) asked me
Dude - How are you doing today sir?
Me - Shitty, thanks for bringing it up
Dude - *gets nervous look on his face* I'm sorry to hear that... could I have five minutes of your time?
Me - *dirty look, derisive snort* No.
Have you ever been in a bad funk and couldn't get out of it no matter how you tried? You find yourself just drifting along, taking pleasure in nothing? Normally innocuous events send you into a murderous rage, or cause you to burst into tears?
Over the last few days I've not been acting my usual witty, charming, hilarious self. I elbowed a guy on the bus because he made accidental physical contact with me. I tried to play some Halo, and began to cry when a grunt begged me for mercy. Now to any sane person, the desperate groveling of a doomed alien would elicit maniacal laughter, quickly followed by a melee to the head, or a "just for fun" grenade stick. But no. Gut-wrenching sobs.
I tried to cure my funk by smothering it in booze, deliberately imbibing three times the daily recommended value in the hope of erasing bits of my mind. Instead of making things better, I made an ass of myself by committing the most grave of all possibly party offenses. Yes, the great taboo of taboos, evil of all evils; I misquoted the Princess Bride. I can never show my face to those people again... not now that they know what my innermost self is capable of. Like a pardoned pedophile... I can't just go back to how it was before. Former friends gaze on me with distrustful eyes, carefully hiding their copies of "The Holy Grail" behind locked doors when I come to visit.
Another folly of recent days was when I ordered 3 pizzas and a dozen hot wings, thinking that some of my favorite food would improve my mood. My room-mate was offered none of this cheesy deliciousness... forced instead to sit in on the floor in darkness, timidly eating his meager gruel with a crust of stale bread while I feasted less than ten feet away. In communist Russia (or modern day Africa) I would have been publicly stoned for such wanton selfishness...
Yes, I've been in a funk most funky. Music sounded cacophonous and empty simultaneously, sleep wasn't restful, I had no desire to eat peanut butter. France wasn't even funny. Something was horribly wrong with me. About 3 hours ago, this all changed. I saw this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeP1Klmk0ng&feature=player_embedded#
(copy-paste it, I can't get it to be "clickable")
And began laughing harder and more honestly than I have in days. Upon realizing that this song somehow said everything I was thinking, I also realized that my thoughts are completely ridiculous. I was able to laugh at myself... proving for all time that laughter really is the best medicine (or at least better than booze and hot wings). Things are good. I'm an idiot, but NOT a hopeless idiot. The first step is admitting you have a problem.
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On Pearl Street once I had a survey/donation-taker accost me on a walk. "Excuse me sir, may I ask you just one question?". "Yes", I said, "and that was it. Later!"
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