Misadventures

I've been a Laker fan for as long as I can remember, and some of my best memories from childhood are watching the playoff games on TV with my dad (my OTHER fond memories of youth mostly consist of building dams with my cousin in the wash behind my uncles house, and annoying the shit out of my older sister (flush the toilet to make the shower hot! nice!)) In any case, pretty much the only reason I ordered cable TV was to see the Laker games.

When I went to watch the opening night game, however, I discovered to my dismay that my cable wasn't working properly. Everything from 21-50 was just static, I was only getting the local/national channels... OH, and lifetime and MTV, thank god. I don't know what I would do with myself If I couldn't watch womens liberation propaganda and horrible reality TV every second of every day. I called up the Comcast guy to complain, and it turns out.. I don't have basic cable. I have sub-basic cable, which is just the local channels plus 8 more, and they PURPOSEFULLY pick the channels that no one would ever deliberately watch.

Needless to say I was pissed. Its like buying a discount car at a great price, but then discovering that the engine and wheels have been removed, replaced by a small orphan boy sitting under the hood making motor boat sounds and a half dozen moldy bagels. Cheap? Sure. Useful for any purpose other than little rascals nostalgia? No.

The oh-so-helpful man then told me I could just upgrade my package to the next one up, and then I would get ESPN. It would cost just fifty five bucks a month. FIFTY FIVE? I would deliberately jam metal antennae into random places in my brain in the hope of picking up satellite reception in my eyeballs before I would pay 55 dollars a month. I don't have enough money to buy toilet paper (you don't want to know how I've managed), much less order 50 more channels when I only want exactly one of them. Which brings me to my next point; Job hunting.

I've applied every place I can think of, with no success, so I've started cold-calling potential employers to remind them that I am still here. Just in case they, you know... forgot somehow. The calls are generally pretty straightforward, I say something like "Hello, I applied here XX time ago, and wanted to reaffirm my interest in the position" and get the response "Ah thank you kind sir, your interest has been duly noted, and might I add that you sound both rugged and manly? If you would care to copulate behind the dumpster later, please inform me so that I may schedule my break accordingly."

...Ahem. In any case, the calls often end up being quite awkward, and I start feeling like a complete moron who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Nothing for it but to keep trying though, I figure if I keep it up, I will either annoy someone into giving me a job, Or maybe sire a bastard or three. Its a win-win either way.